Tomorrow (9th September 2012) is my BIG day. It will be two years of zero alcohol. I should be joyous and happy but I’m not.
Even after all this time, I still feel sad that I am not drinking. Instead of celebration, it is commiseration. Can you believe it? I am still beating myself up for not being able to handle the drink. What a bloody idiot I am.
Then I search deep down inside me and realize once again that because I feel like that I definitely must stay of the booze. It is said that there is no such thing as a reformed alcoholic, or a recovering alcoholic. I never really understood that until today.
When you make that decision to clear your head, be kinder to your body, be a better person to yourself and to others it is a decision that will be with you forever. It has to be forever though because the thought of going back to binge drinking, headaches, vomiting and most importantly being an arsehole to those around you is a far greater tragedy than feeling like an idiot for not being able to drink.
So, tomorrow I am going to be proud of myself, pat myself on the back and reflect on the past two years. Where has the time gone? Was the two years without drinking good or bad? Well there is only one answer to that – IT IS GOOD!! Darn it is really good.
Will power and a sense to make life better, to make me a better person, to be happy, to enjoy life, to have those around me look up to me, respect me, love me. That’s what it is all about, love and respect.
I hope that your journey with an alcohol free life is working for you. Hang in there, it is worth it!
If you need help quitting alcohol you can sign up to receive Give up Alcohol Course.